- Can you think of a time when your body went into flight-or-flight mode?
- How did your body react? Did your response have a positive or a negative outcome?
- How do you want to respond in the similar situation in the future?
Each time you sense danger, your body automatically tries to protect you by releasing into your bloodstream adrenaline, a chemical that gives you a quick rush of energy. Your pupils dilate, your heart rate accelerates, your blood pressure rises, and your breathing speeds up. You become alert and highly sensitive to your environment. In this “fight or flight” state you are ready to either fight the source of threat or run away from it. When you you’re your body going into this mode you can react positively or negatively. And how you react to this response can either improve the situation or make it worse.
Learn more about Anger Management Counselling in Vancouver, BC
Anger builds in stages and if you understand the progression of your anger, you can identify then you are becoming frustrated and deal with it before it gets out of control.
First your anger button gets pushed. Then your thinking gets distorted. You might assume worst case scenario, blow things out of proportion, blame others, or misinterpret the events. Finally, your feelings take control over your behaviour and you react.
A good thing to do is process your stages of anger with a trusted person or a counsellor. Once you know how your anger builds you will be able to apply different strategies to stay grounded and not let your anger get out of control.
For many people it is easier to be angry than to admit that your feeling are hurt or that you are scared. When you mask your emotions with anger you are avoiding underlying feelings. This can be harmful and usually results in anger growing.
Even though anger has a bad reputation , it can be a very useful emotion. When we express our anger we stand up for our rights or the rights of others. Anger can help support change when something is unfair. Think of Martin Luther King Jr. If he did not get angry, a world might be a very different place for many people. When people use their anger to stick up for the rights of others, anger is a positive force. Many people and organizations have changed the world with their anger by channeling it into something positive. When you find yourself angry you can ask yourself the following questions:
We all have buttons that when pushed lead to frustration. Sometimes these buttons are called “triggers” But it does not matter what you call them. What is important is being able to identify the things that set off your anger before it anger builds and you explode emotionally. Equally important is to know what you can do to release that button when you realize it is being pushed.
What are some of your hot anger buttons?
If you want to get a grip on your anger it is important to identify situation that make you angry, to notice what you do when you get angry, and to become aware of the consequences of your anger. An anger log is a great tool to help you see patterns in your anger so that you can stop it driving your life. Once you have made a few entries in your log, a counsellor can help you identify of when you get angry, reason for and target of your anger, and specific areas you can work on.
Date and time:
What I was thinking:
What I was feeling:
What I did:
What my consequences were:
How I handled it:
What could have I done instead:
It's good to track your frustration and anger for a couple of days and then discuss it with a person you trust. Counsellors who work with anger managment are trained to help you see your patterns as well as teaching you good skills to help you manage this difficult emotion.
Lately I have seen many clients who come to my office feeling like they are ready to blow up like a volcano. They feel like many times in their life they are out of control. Many feel this way because someone has shamed or humiliated them with an insult. Other had something taken away that belong to them. Others have been simply treated unfairly. Some feel angry at a particular person or about a particular thing, while others feel angry ant everyone and everything. Anger can be sudden a fierce, here in a moment and gone in a flash. And it can also start slowly and grow, then burn for a very long time.
What many clients are surprised to hear is that we are responsible for our own behaviour and feelings, and that we can make choices about them. We can choose how to act even when frustrating feelings seem overpowering or irresistible. We can even choose how angry, frustrated, or sad we feel. Yes, we have choices about how we feel and how we act. And if you don’t know how, you can learn!
During the month of June we will be talking a lot about anger and skills to help anyone deal with feelings of frustration and rage without loosing it. You can learn
You will also learn that anger can be a positive force, and that you can learn good communication skills and be able to change. Once you fully understand your anger, you will be prepared to deal with your feelings in any stressful situation and never loose your temper.
To boost your mood, it’s important to do activities that give you a sense of pleasure and accomplishment. But, when you are feeling down it is difficult to think of fun things to do. Don't worry, we created this list for you. These ideas come from CBT books, research articles, and my own experiences. Most of the links are Canadian and many are specifically for people living in rainy Vancouver. This list is intended to stimulate your own ides for pleasure activities you’d like to do more of.
Concentrate on finding 3-4 activities that make you feel excited and keep them in mind when you are feeling down.
Another idea is to cut out the activities that excite you and keep them in your activities jar. Choose a random activity when you need a mood boost.
The analysis showed that "Happy Tears" are mostly made up of salt and water and not a great deal else. Interestingly, the "Sad Tears" were found to contain chemicals and enzymes that are also found in tumors, ulcers and other such lumps and sicknesses through out the body.
Researchers believe that the body, when crying in sadness is flushing out the toxic-chemicals that accumulate in our bodies. Possibly these toxins are a part of our sadness and heartache experience. Therefore if one holds back those tears, those toxic-waters will find somewhere else to deposit themselves. Prolonged lack-of-crying-release may result in the body accumulating a huge amount of internal pollution and toxicity that should have been released through the tears. Is it any wonder that the eyes sting so much when we hold back our tears?
► Jennifer at Juno's Doulas Birth Doula Services
► Tips for Tough Parenting Moments
► Mindfulness with Children
Mindfulness is usually cultivated via formal, concentrated meditation practice periods each day, with the idea that we can then carry this mindful awareness with us into in all our daily activities. Mindfulness is most helpful when it becomes a way of being, rather than an isolated experience during meditation or a set of techniques to be learned.
►Frequently Asked Questions About Mindfulness Meditation
►Research Article: Effects of a mindfulness-based intervention during pregnancy on prenatal stress and mood
Formal Meditation Practices
The formal practice involves setting aside a specific time to sit silently with mindful awareness of your breathing or to move slowly and silently with mindful awareness of your breath and your movement.
►What Are You Thinking Meditation
►Mindful Walking Instructions
Informal Mindfulness Practices: Mindful Living
We may become excellent at focusing and reaching equanimity while in formal meditation, but it will have little impact on quality of life if we are not mindful during our daily activities. The informal practice is mindfulness of your daily life activities. We all are all habituated to go about our lives in auto pilot or in a certain manner. To reap the true benefits of our formal practice we must make a conscious effort to practice mindfulness in our daily lives. Here are a number of ideas for mindful parenting of new babies and toddlers.
► Tips for Tough Parenting Moments
► Mindful Decision Making
► Mindful Diaper Change
► Mindfulness Activities with Children
If you are a client, ask me about borrowing the following books:
Postpartum Depression Books
►Beat the Blues Before They Beat You. How to Overcome Depression
►When Baby Brings the Blues. Solutions for Postpartum Depression
►Th Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness
►The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Move Through Depression and and Create a Life Worth Living
►One Less Thing to Worry About: Uncommon Wisdom for Coping with Common Anxieties
►The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Mindful Motherhood Books
►Mindful Motherhood. Practical Tools For Staying Sane During Pregnancy And Your Child’s First Year
►A Field Guide to Now. Notes on Mindfulness and Life in the Present Tense
►Momfulness. Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion, and Grace
►Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of your Body and Mind to Face Stress Pain and Illness
►Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness
►Wherever You Go There You Are
Self Care & Stress Reduction Books
►Self-Care for Life: Find Joy, Peace, Serenity, Vitality, Sensuality, Abundance, and Enlightenment - Each and Every Day
►The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook
►A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook
Mindful Parenting Websites and Blogs
Contact me today to find out more or if you wonder how I can help, please e-mail or call for a free 30 minute consultation.
Katya Sivak, MA
Our children’s lives are increasingly stressful. In addition to the ordinary day to day stress, many of our children suffer from depression, anxiety and self doubt. Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying kind attention to ourselves as we live our lives. This special way of paying attention allows children to find their “Still Quiet Place” within themselves. In our busy, media-saturated culture almost everything teaches us to focus our attention outward. I invite you to help your children slow down, turn their attention inward, and make kind and healthy choices. On this page you can find mindfulness practices you can do with your children
►Here is a practice called “Finding your Still Quiet Place” you can do with your child.
Welcome to Heartfulness Blog!